An open letter to Adele: “19” vs “21”
I should preface this letter with the fact that while writing it, I’m listening to both of your records at the same time, so If for some reason I burst into tears mid-way, it’s totally normal.
Adele!
It’s been a minute since we last spoke! I remember many years ago, reaching out to you on MySpace, and actually getting a response before you got Beatles famous. Don’t you remember? I’d try to login to my MySpace page for reference, but won’t for fear that Facebook is watching…
Congrats with the success!!! You deserve it all girl! I’m so proud of you :) You’ve recently come up as the topic of conversation among my musician friends. A debate so to speak, on which of your now two records, “19” and “21” reign supreme musically.
“19” was obviously my first love. If it hadn’t been for that love however, “21” wouldn’t have solidified such emotions. Personally, love them both! BUT in order to settle this argument once and for all, I have a proposition for you - You and I start dating! I know what you’re thinking “Brilliant Idea!” But just to really drive in the awesomeness…
I wouldn’t even have to make you feel my love… You would know from the start it’s right as rain! I’m sure you’re tired of thinking back to your former one and only… Rumor has it he’s wanting royalties from you now? Give him the cold shoulder! He won’t go? It’s time you replace him with ME!
Now here’s where things get tricky. Obviously, our relationship couldn’t last… If you and I are shagging up and happy with our daydreams and sweet nothings, there’s no sorrowful/angry music to win awards and break milestones. Can someone like you truly be happy when we’re not making music? Unfortunately however, I’m not that good at being a horrible boyfriend, and I can’t say that I have that much experience with breaking hearts either (consciously, anyway) :/
SOOOOOO this is where the tables will be turned. YOU break up with ME. No one will see it coming. I was crazy for you… I’ll be left with a heart, melted to stone, late night contemplative walks, chasing pavements, until I write… a LOVESONG! No, a hate song. A song. No longer needing to hide my heart, I take it all in and make MY 3rd record, affectionally titled “28”.
“28” get’s a ridiculous amount of buzz, and actually shatters all of your records for “21”. In my Grammy acceptance speech, I cry a little, as you glance from the front row, and know every song was about you… Rolling deep down inside I can’t help feeling that we could have had it all, but all that goes away when Zooey Deschanel hands me a congratulatory Grammy martini of straight vodka. Backstage, Jay-Z and Beyonce tell me they’re naming their second child “Frank”, after me. Ludacris, who’s from my hometown, give’s me some customized bling for my neck.
Fun Fact: Did you know that “FrankBell” actually rhymes with “Adele”. This was meant to happen!
OH! If you don’t mind, let’s make our first “date” in a public place… I want to make sure you’re not some sort of weirdo (no offense).
I’ll be waiting,
Frank Bell
